Moonlight Goddess speaks to us of repressed emotions, healing and reflections.
 
What a timely goddess to step up in front of me.  For the last 2 weeks consciously, I’ve been fighting with love.  You can’t really fight with love, can you?  that’s too ironic.  But that is what I’ve been doing. I’ve met a man, a man that I feel deeply connected to.  A man who after spending a weekend with him, I knew I would marry.  And yet I’ve been fighting this love.  I’ve wanted to kick it to the ground and leave it there.  I’ve wanted to keep convincing myself that it’s OK to love and remain detached.  I’ve even contacted my old lover of whom I had stopped seeing when this man came into my life.  I had a good arrangement with the lover – no strings attached, no discussion of future plans, no meeting of each other’s children or family and definitely no commitment other than to be respectful and have fun.  Perfect arrangement I say, especially for someone who had stepped out of a 25-year marriage three years ago.  Nothing happened with the said lover, I merely contacted him and asked of his arrangements for the evening, to which he replied “I thought you were in love” and I said “yes I am, but Im thinking about sabotaging it”
I have been kidding myself with being in love, when my girlfriends all say Wow so happy for you etc etc, because this love takes up my precious time. It means changing my plans and arrangements from full steam ahead (of who knows where) to include and consider someone else.  I’ve had to reconsider what I want my future to look like and how I wish to live and, god forbid sharing my bedroom, my inner sanctum space with another person. Fuck Fuck Fuck
So, I’ve sat with this for a time, and the possibility of going back to the other arrangements I had, and I had to do some deep reflecting of myself and my repressed emotions. Thank you, Moonlight Goddess.
And this is what I came up with. Im scared.  Im so darn frightened of what emotions this love may bring with it and what old emotions have been tapped into stirring now that love has awoken them.
The emotions go something like this.  They are old, some of them are tied up with my marriage, some are newly tied into who I have emerged into being in my 3 years of being more single than in a relationship.
And it is here I must honour and disclose that I had a beautiful relationship in between husband, lover and this new man in my life but I knew somewhere deep down in my heart that that man was not going to be my soul love, but we would teach each other so much goodness in the time we were together.
When I pulled the Moonlight, Goddess card this morning it all made sense.  In surrendering to this love, to this beautiful man who wants to do forever with me, who wants to plan for future times.  Im frightened, a little like a cat that’s been cornered. My fear stuff has gone into overdrive, my brain is busy enough as it is so the idea of dealing with love has just been put in the almost too hard basket by me.  Until I made contact with the old lover and I remembered that everything is within my choice and what I really wanted to do was to explore this relationship with the man who had just handed me his heart.  I want to explore it and be brave and be vulnerable and be sassy and be independent and be all the great and awesome things I am anyway but to just hand over some of the control and replace it with carefree compassion for myself, my heart, my man and my future. 
 
Rock on Goddess of the moonlight – I love the insights you bring.
 

One should never underestimate the importance of sovereignty. Our place in the world. The importance our soul places on being of worth, of being connected to others and to truly matter.
When everything that has indicated who you are in the world shifts, you too shift with it. A little like the lava of an erupting volcano, everything in its seething heat is forever changed. The landscape becomes different. There is a time where the destruction is raw and dangerous. Where roads and landmarks and security changes, shifted or evaporated forever. After a time, I am told there is growth again. I have witnessed this on the big island of Hawaii when Pele goddess of passion overflowed. After a time there is space once again for growth. Seemingly out of the cold black hard lava there is greenery sprouting, then a forest as lush as any prehistoric scenery.
New paths are formed, new gateways, new everything.
This thought holds me dear as I too go through the motions of such enormous change. I remind myself it is only new and fresh in the scheme of a volcanic eruption. Give it time dear one, for you to will blossom again after the blackened earth and heart rebuilds, less cindered and worn. You too will blossom again

 
EACH AND EVERY DAY WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO START AGAIN IN SO MANY WAYS:

• To create our wildest dreams
  
• To rethink our responses to situations
• To consider the people we spend time with and how they affect our wellness
  
• To follow our careers and passions
• To learn to respond rather than react to situations

 At the midline of my life it was time to start again from scratch – or was it?

I’ve looked for a very long time – I’ve looked for how to balance my needs with giving myself completely to others, especially my family.
You know what it led to?
Burnout
Breakdown of marriage
Bust ups with my passions & brilliant opportunities to start again.  Which is what led me to consider the very question of where our story starts and where exactly it ends!  Have you ever considered the story of your mother and your mothers mother?  If not, start to discover theses stories - they may just hold some gem.  If you dont think its worth doing, and you have children, then I ask you to consider the worth of your daughter knowing your story and how it impacts their projection in life.

Having a marriage dissolve was beyond painful for me, selling the family home and leaving my beloved community broke parts of my heart and confidence, holding on while every transition happened felt out of control at times, but out of the ashes I knew after a time that something new would birth.  I just needed time and the right people in my life.
Amidst the personal grief work I was doing, I had an inarguable desire to continue creating space for other women to do their healing because I know there is something profoundly necessary and magical when women have the opportunity to gather in a safe space to share their stories and listen to other women.  In order to remain connected, strengthened and supported. We need this now more than ever, as the modern-day stresses and commitments are placed on us.
Women DO all the time, and what we NEED is to just BE.
Ever since I attended my first transformational retreat, I’ve fallen in love with the truth telling and intimacy that is created when a group of women gather around a common intention, with a skilled facilitator leading the way.  I have now stepped back up to be the facilitator of all things women and Goddess in love, living and learning and Im so looking forward to sitting in the Goddess space with you soon. xxx